How uncanny

Its been near enough a year since I've posted on my blog. Well, it's 9 days shy of that but that's just being pedantic. :-P

Anyhoo, a year has gone by since I last posted and this is the only time I've thought of posting to provide an update with regards to where things are right now.

Its been one of the weirdest years (if not THE weirdest year) of my life.

I've just read some of my last update so I guess that's the best place to start.

I didn't take the job in Frankfurt. I got offered it but...It just didn't feel right. The place was nice, although it was like Manchester with more sausages and nicer buildings.
Also, It just felt like I was running away for the sake of it. Showing people how I was serious about starting a new life in a new place.
People were nice but it was a *cough* party town and quite frankly, I'm way too old for all that rubbish all the time.

So, I decided to stay in the UK. Although little did I know that I'd be starting a new life in a new place anyway. I'll come to that later.

With the job offer though it was one of 'those moments' in life.
Y'know, one of those points on the road where a clear choice had to be made. The consequences of either action would mean my life would go down a completely different road.
So, things did turn out a lot differently but not in the way I expected.

I met someone very special about 3 weeks after all this.

Jo came into my life when I was least expecting it. She was beautiful,kind,funny,strong,clever,interesting,lively and a lot of other things aside.

She quite literally blew me away.

We met on a dating site, I'd had a date or two through it before but nothing of note. I wasn't looking for anything but a bit of company. At that point, that's all I got.

We started talking on the Tuesday, we met by the Saturday on a date in Manchester.
We talked for 10 hours on one day before we met. It was amazing.

The first date was the best one of my life. Seriously, this woman was brilliant. I knew i'd found someone special...

More later.

Everything that turns turns turns....

Well, Circle of life and all that.

After my rollercoaster ride of a seperation from my lovely wife (Yes, I know), Things have finally started to calm down a bit. We've still got to do all the house stuff and that but we've been apart for 3 months now and emotionally i'm still up and down but i'm getting better each day, for most part at least.

Big changes afoot at the moment as well. Going for a new job in a far off location and have the interview on friday. Other things are happening as well which I don't really want to comment about at the moment.
My Birthday and Anniversary came and went and were tough but bareable for most part.
At this point i'd like to thank the following people for all the tireless support they've given me thus far.
Mum
Dad
Our Kid
Big Lee
Oggy
Donna
Barrie
Paul
Stacey
Mike
Cheryl
Donna
Kay
Stewart
Mike D
Little Catherine
Abstract
John
Banjo
Angie
Caroline
Chris
Tommy
Ste
Shelly
Elaine
Karen
Anna
Rachel
Shaz
Manshah


And I dare say this list isn't exhaustive.

I'm really lucky that all these people have contributed to my well being and listened to me while i've been going through a tough time.
I'm truly blessed sometimes.

sigh....

really down today. I suspect that the weather doesn't help at the moment. Constantly raining and grey all the time.
Hope this passes as I hate feeling like this...

That is all.

Good morning world

Its a weird day today. Not quite sure where my head's at this morning.

Feel like i've got all this nervous energy thats bursting to get out of me.
I always feel like this in work at the moment and i'm not sure why. I'm like a cat on hot bricks and walk around the place talking rubbish and being generally quite highly strung.
Its not because i'm around other people because I don't act like this when i'm with friends and/or family so I can't figure it out.
Could be the coffee I guess or the fact that i'm constantly surfing the edge of madness. In either case its not doing me much good at the moment and I need to curb it a bit methinks.
Anyhoo,my birthday has now passed and also my Anniversary. I'm not going into any depth about that because it was a tough day.
What made it harder was knowing that Nat was going through exactly what I was on that day. There was nothing I could do about that either and it was a weird feeling knowing that someone you love was going through so much pain and you couldn't do a thing to help because you were one of the main reasons why. That I was going through the same thing made it almost surreal.
It was like a mutual suffering brought on by the death of a relative or a traumatic event that was shared but couldn't be helped either way.
Very strange.

Still, in any case. It came and went thankfully and now i'm on the other side of it now.
Things are pretty rough for me at the moment but i'm getting the occasional glimpse of blue sky in an otherwise stormy day. The sun has yet to come out for me and I dare say it won't appear for a while.
I can't wait for the day when the sun shines on my back again. My soul needs a bit of sun instead of all this rain and gloom.

and the beat goes on....

Well, its really rough at the moment. Really stormy seas of confusion and delusion and...stuff.

Big big week next week. My birthday on monday and then my anniversary on thursday.
Really cut up about that one and I just want to sleep the whole day.
I'm thinking of borrowing some cash off someone and doing one abroad for a few days on my own. Looking at Berlin (was thinking Seville but its really pricy).
Hopefully I can just sit in a cafe somewhere with a few Erdingers and space away from it all.

Still, a few of the girls at work took me out for a liquid lunch for my birthday. Cheered me up somewhat to be honest.
Just counting down the minutes until I can go home. Been here since 7am so i need to go home!

If I don't post next week then i'll say this now...

Happy Anniversary to my darling wife. I love you as much now as I ever did and miss you so much.
Might not be appropriate but i'm sorry...its the way I feel.

By the way

Every cloud and all that...

now 15 and a half stone and a 36" waist. Thought i'd add that to this blog as it was supposed to be about weight loss.

Mainly its been about Personal loss so its all still kinda relevant I guess :-/

Can't believe how slim I am these days. My clothes are all too big though and I can't afford to replace them. So each positive does bring another negative sometimes.
Ho hum and all that...

And the standard and obligatory note about my wife...
I WISH she could share in my success. Part of the reason I started this diet was for her. I wanted her to have a younger, fitter husband and one who'd be around for our children.
Once again, i'm not going there yet about kids. Its too painful to think about what could have been... :-(

Its a long rough road for me

at the moment. How can it not be when you lose someone you love dearly.
Still, trying my best at the moment to keep things together.
The weather doesn't help either. If only the sun would come out for more than 10 minutes a week. Still, it could be worse I guess. At least me and the wife are being civil to each other. I'd hate for things to descend into anything bad between us.
I can't choose her life for her sadly but at least we can try getting on if nothing else.
Still...I miss her dearly and although it seems too far down the road, i'd have her back in a heartbeat. Our relationship would be a lot different this time.
I guess we'll never get the chance to show that but it does make me wonder sometimes about what could be.
Thats the problem with dealing with the abstract and the possible. Its all conjecture and theory. Its nice to dream though.

Anyhoo, i'm off to the Caravan for the weekend. I'm kinda hoping that the sea air will inspire me a bit. I'm taking my gym stuff as well and fully intend to go jogging along those cliff tops in the morning. I may even get some sun...anythings possible.

Birthday in just under 2 weeks. Can't help but to laugh at the irony of being in my late 30's and feeling physically better than i have since i was in my early 20's.

Mentally i'm ruined though so its all swings and roundabouts.

Don't even talk to me about my Anniversary. It cuts me up everytime I think about it.