Well

It happened. I know it'd happened anyway but I love my wife and had to try everything in my power to try and make things work.
I'm very sad at the moment so I've not really got much to say.
Although I still can't believe we got to this point, its staggering to think how much life can change in such a short length of time.
Thing is, its not being on my own that bothers me that much (although its not something i relish). What bothers me more is being without the woman that I love with all my heart. I'm sat in this house now that was our home but is now just memories and ghosts.
Still, i've got to think about myself I guess so i'm taking each day at a time. Its the only way that I can deal with it.
I had the chance to meet up with her last weekend but the sad thing is that I had nothing more to say to her. I don't mean on a social level or any other level like that but all I would have done would say how much I will miss her and how heartbroken I felt.
That wouldn't have helped either of us really so I didn't go. It would have hurt too much to say goodbye to her again and again.
I do hope she's happy though, thats all I wanted really is for her to be happy and well. I guess that this is the only way for her to be happy in the longterm but I just wanted to share in that happiness.
I'm trying not to get angry or bitter as that is ironically one of the reasons why things failed in our marriage. At least I owe her and myself that much to try and grow from the experience.
I only wish I had the chance to show her how much i'd changed as a human being and how my attitude is completely different.
Life is cruel sometimes and teaches valuable lessons...its not selective in how these things are taught though.
I so wish i'd have learnt that lesson earlier in life.

God I know whats important now and what isn't. But its too late to apply that to my marriage now.

What a fool i've been.....